Hormone Therapy

Up, down, sideways, turned around, lopsided, twisted, cattywampus, topsy-turvy and loopy.  Yep.  That pretty much sums it up some days.  Let me be real, some days as in TO-day….  and when I experience these wide range of hormonal emotions, two things are highly guaranteed to happen:

1 – No matter how much I tell myself, “just chiiiiill!!  It will be better tomorrow!”, I am never said “chill” and tomorrow seems like a distant Never Ever Land.

2 – It almost always affects my dearly beloved husband and it’s not until I reach “Never Ever Land”, that I can apologize for bringing him along on the hormonal roller coaster ride.

The word hormone comes from the Greek word hormn, meaning to stir up or get going.  Weeeeellllllll, thank you Captain Obvious!   You nailed it with that definition.

But on a more serious note, today as I found myself getting stirred up, I began looking a bit deeper.  I started looking at my heart within my hormones.  I have to admit, that deep down,  I’m thankful for the stirring.  Without it, I would not have the hope of having babies for one, but I also wouldn’t see my desperate need for absolute stability in Christ.  As my emotion pendulum swings, my heart and mind must to be anchored in Christ.  This, is hormone therapy.

“You created my inmost being:  You knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”

– Psalm 139:13; 16

For any of you dear sisters that find yourself on the same wagon from time to time, be encouragedAll of the days ordained for you and I were written before one of them came to be.  Jesus knew every single day we would face before we faced them; and He knows every single day to come.  He hasn’t forgotten you on the hormonal days… He authored those days!  He knows the ins and outs of these days better than you or I!!  My encouragement to you is the same word I have for myself… Draw near to Him.  His peace will be the calm in your storm.  When tossed to and fro by the stirring of emotions, remember… He knew this day would come.  He didn’t write this day in your book without providing hope.  I believe He wrote these particular pages with eagerness and joy, looking forward to the days that we would call upon Him to be the anchor, that steadies our soul.

“ We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and steadfast.  It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus our forerunner has entered on our behalf.”

-Hebrews 6:19-20

 

 

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It’s Your Breath…

I haven’t blogged much lately.  Several times over the past few months, I’ve sat down and started, but never finished.  I used the excuse that I’ve been too busy, when honestly, the things I want to share have just been too difficult…  until now.
 I’m not breathing well today. My chest feels tight and heavy. But my heart is light. My trust is whole. I’m on a path to healing. My God gives life. He breathes into dry bones, and the bones breathe out.
-April Miles
This humble, honest and bold faith statement, can be applied to any situation you may be facing.  Often times our chest feels so heavy from heartache, stress, and the overwhelming situations of life, that we feel like we can’t breathe, even though our heart is perfectly healthy.  To see this faith declaration come from someone who was just diagnosed with a heart disease, puts things in an entirely new perspective.  May our trust be whole in everything we face and every hardship we encounter.
I encourage you to take a few minutes and read these real & raw words, from my cousin’s heart.
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It’s Your breath in our lungs, so we pour out our praise…”
-“Great Are You Lord”, All Sons and Daughters
That’s right. It’s not even my breath.
And the shortness of breath for the last 5 years? I don’t claim that as mine either.
I thought I had Asthma. Kind of made sense… I finally outgrew my lifelong allergies, and developed said Asthma at nearly the exact same time. I saw our family doc. He half-heartedly apologized and confirmed my respiratory doom, because I live in Indiana, then tossed an Rx for a new inhaler at me. When that didn’t work, he sent me to an Asthma “specialist”.
Same. Gave me a new inhaler to try, and told me to monitor my triggers.
No improvements, but no further suggestions. I think we’re done, here.
One day I was at work and was chatting with a prospective client. For one reason or another, he mentioned his previous struggles with asthma. Previous? Meaning you don’t struggle with breathing anymore? Who’s your guy? I need to call him.
I wrote the doctor’s name down on a Post-it, and it sat on my desk at home for about 6 months. Every now and then, especially on bad breathing days, I’d think “Man – I really need to call that guy.” But I’m a busy, working mom, who subconsciously was just hoping I would outgrow the breathing issues too, I suppose.
It took a list of goals for 2017 for me to finally make the phone call. I always have a goal of maintaining and improving my health. This particular list included mental and physical health, which really meant that I wanted to get back to enjoying running. Running used to make me feel great. It was my drug. It cleared my mind of all of the world’s garbage, renewed my energy, and gave me clarity and gusto to get after it… whatever the day entailed.
Except when I can’t breathe. And I finally understand why so many people hate running!
So this new doctor. He was a fabulous pulmonary specialist. I spent Valentine’s Day with him. I mean, Josh was in Alaska eating salmon and crab, so… I didn’t have much else going on. He did a number of tests, and after a quick look at the chest X-ray, he ordered an echocardiogram to take place the next day, as something looked to be a little larger than he would have expected. I went for the echo, and the tech said that while she was not the doctor, everything looked pretty great at a glance. {Whew.} That made me want to take myself out for a celebratory Valentine’s dinner… me, myself and I.
Within 3 days, the doctor had a chance to review the pulmonary function tests, blood work, chest X-rays and echo results, holistically. I so appreciated his approach. Although, I’m not thrilled by the diagnosis. Turns out that Asthma inhalers don’t actually help symptoms of Pulmonary Hypertension, which is the current conclusion for my troubled breathing.
My blood pressure is ideal. My heart is functioning properly. My resting heart rate is 40 bpm.
When you Google Pulmonary Hypertension, you’ll find anything from treatments that have helped people live 20+ years, to, um… you’re pretty much already dead.
Not a nice thing to say to a person who in inherently can’t catch their breath.
One of the basic descriptions is as follows:
High blood pressure in the lungs is called pulmonary hypertension (PH) or pulmonary arterial hypertension (PAH). PAH is a chronic and life-changing disease that can lead to right heart failure if left untreated.
And I’ve had (untreated) symptoms for 5+ years? Yikes.
I will see a pulmonary specialist for some extensive testing in a few weeks. I’m not breathing well today. My chest feels tight and heavy. But my heart is light. My trust is whole. I’m on a path to healing. My God gives life. He breathes into dry bones, and the bones breathe out. By no coincidence, I’m sure, I hear this song every time I’m out for a run… if not on Pandora, then just in my head as I’m chugging along down the Monon.
You give life, You are love
You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord
And all the earth will shout Your praise
Our hearts will cry, these bones will sing
Great are you Lord!
The songwriters suggested that worship is when we give God his breath back to him.
Regardless of circumstances, I’ll give Him every breath. Right back.
It’s Your breath, in my lungs…
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April has more inspiring and encouraging words in her Facebook notes section.  I encourage you to read more, and follow her journey towards healing.
xoxo,
Anika

Subtly Infertile.

infertile

That word does not sound pretty in my head.  Instead it sings a song of failure, inability, insecurity and sadness.  It feels foreign on my tongue and if spoken, it gives way to fear, anxiety and doubt.

After 2 1/2 years of trying to conceive, my husband and I decided it was time to see a fertility specialist.  A week ago David and I walked into my Dr.’s office, sat down and proceeded to talk through my recent tests, lab results, history of miscarriages and “How-to-Proceed” plans.  Although I was sitting there fully clothed with my husband right beside me, I found myself feeling naked and vulnerable.  “With your age… your eggs are mature… your tube is blocked….”   … uh, bleh!  Instead of feeling like a person, I started feeling like a diagram on a chart in a classroom with a teacher pointing out all the complications and reasons for my inability to get pregnant.  Oh and let’s not forget to mention my age… everybody brace yourself…..I am…. 34!!  Maybe I should spell it out… thirty-four.  I don’t remember growing up thinking that 34 was that old.  In fact I remember thinking, ‘when I’m in my thirties, I’ll start having kids’.  But after that visit and the references to my age and maturity of eggs I felt like saying ‘watch out Abraham cuzzz we got a new Sarah in town!’  

I left the dr.’s office feeling down and a little defeated.

Flash forward to yesterday, I get a phone call from the nurse with results from more lab work.  She tells me that my egg count is extremely low and no one can be sure of how much time I have until my time is out.                                                        ….nothing. but. silence.  I didn’t know how to respond.  I sat there, stunned!  Time is out what do you mean time is out?  As in no eggs no babies?  As in, my plan of “let’s trust in God and wait for His timing” just got squashed and crammed into a box of about 3 months??  My heart yearned within me crying out, “But Lord, I want 4 babies…. I want a big family… Oh Father, this hurts my heart…”.  At that moment instead of putting voice to the cry, I mustered up the nerve and simply responded, “Ok, when should I come in for more lab work” and ended the call.

My hearts cry became an audible cry.  My heart was sad.  I knew the desire of my heart and this phone call seemed to completely contradict it.  What could I do?  At this point, my only option was to buckle down and seek the Lord’s face.  In doing so, He recalled what He spoke to me only 3 weeks ago.  It was something that I actually blogged about it in my last blog. He had reminded me that,

“You are a good and beautiful mother, lacking nothing in the ability to be the Godly and Spirit-filled mother that I have called you to be.

I have made no mistakes in My design, creation and purpose for you.

All the sudden it started to click.  It was like a block hit me in the head and although it hit me hard, it was a subtle throw that I didn’t see coming.

subtle

I want to draw special attention to the last definition of the word —  “Making use of clever and indirect methods to achieve something”.   This is exactly what the devil does to your God-given promises and exactly what he tried to do with God’s promise to me.  He uses clever and indirect methods to achieve his ultimate goal, which we know is to steal, kill and destroy.

In my excitement of hearing the Lord 3 weeks ago, I understood most of it, but I missed some of it.  What I missed, the devil used clever and indirect methods to destroy my hope and hijack my promise.  Put in it’s rightful perspective, this was just another attack of the enemy.  It was one I wasn’t ready for, but nevertheless this is what I’ve learned,

  •  God Speaks.

As Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek me and find Me when you seek Me with all of your heart.” God will prove Himself to you when you press into Him.  He was faithful in speaking to my heart when I sought Him out 3 weeks ago.  I learned that when He speaks, you’ve got to armor yourself up in His Word because the subtle attack of the enemy will come, shortly after.

  • The Devil Steals.

The devil does not want God’s promises to take root in your life and in order to take root, you must fully understand the promise!  This is where I fell off the wagon.  I thought I had totally understood what the Lord was telling me 3 weeks ago, and in a large amount, I did, …I just didn’t quite understand all of it.  See, I took those words, “You are lacking nothing in the ability to be the Godly and Spirit-filled mother that I have called you to be”  and I accurately applied them over my older two children and our current situation, but…. I left my unborn children completely uncovered.  I didn’t even think at the time that God was referring to the babies He is going to give us in the future, but rather just the children I already had!  And that’s where the devil stepped in, so subtly, so cunningly and so unexpected.  He tried to steal a part of my promise, because he knew that if he could get me to believe that I was infertile and that my chances of having a baby were pretty slim, then the complete promise of God would not take root in my life.  He didn’t mess with what I could see, he messed with what I couldn’t see.  He tried messing with my faith and he did it in a way that was so delicate and precise, that I didn’t see it coming.  And that is exactly where it gets good…. because…

  • God Still Wins.

“So is My word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” – Isaiah 55:1

heart

The devil will use any means necessary, including medical tests and lab work, to try and steal the promises of God from your life.   What areas of your life is he subtly trying to make you “infertile” in?  What areas is he lying to you in order to keep you stagnant, keep you down, and keep you from believing and fulfilling the promises that God has for you?

I encourage you to make your list.  Put your hearts desire in front of you.  Write out your struggles, your doubts,  your fears and your facts.  Write down what God has to say about each one, right next to them.  Compare your lists and remember  what God speaks, the devil will try to steal, but God will always win.

Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

 

 

“You are a good mother…”

This morning I was directed from a book I’m reading, to “pick up a pen, close my eyes, and ask my Creator to whisper His unique designations over me.”

Before any doubting thoughts could over take this opportunity to hear from God, I put down my book, grabbed my journal and pen, and went and sat outside.

It was almost before even I sat down that I felt the breeze hit my face and I heard Him say, “I’m here.”

I am a mother of two.  I have a 10 year old son and a 9 year old daughter; however neither live with me, and nor do I have any legal rights to.  I’m sure even stating that, the questions swarm in your head…. “what did she do?!!”  Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I could just say that at one point I had an addiction, or that if you looked hard enough you would find a criminal record, but neither are true.  I simply have been dealt a situation that is beyond my control and reasoning.  For seven years I’ve been in and out of Court on behalf of my children and my rights to be a mother.  My love for them has never stopped or quivered, but I have sometimes wondered if God’s love for me, has.

For so long I’ve thought and cried, “God why?!… Don’t you want me to be their mother?!  Do You not think I am a good mother?  Did You change Your mind about me?  Did I do something that was unforgivable that forfeited my right to love on the children that You, gave me?”

Up until this morning, this seemed to be the cry of my heart.  Yes, I found peace in knowing that ‘God was in control’…but did I truly believe that He had my best in this situation?  I mean how could this be, my best?  I long for my children, I yearn for my children… I sometimes wonder if I can go another day, without my children…

As I sat down this morning and immediately felt the magnificence of His presence and peace, I simply asked, “Lord, my Jesus, what would you like to tell me?”  I then heard him gently and so lovingly affirm, the desperate cry of my heart,

“You are a good and beautiful mother, lacking nothing in the ability to be the Godly and Spirit filled mother that I have called you to be.

I have made no mistakes in My design, creation and purpose for you.

I love you – Yes, this is ME – My love for you will not and can not change.  You are one of my finest – A Queen in destiny and purpose.  Continue to press into Me as My love will only overwhelm your present and direct your future.  You are mine and I am jealous for you.

You are able to do all that I’ve called you to because it is I who have equipped you, for the journey ahead.”

For the first time in seven long years of wondering when would this ever be resolved, when will I ever see justice, when will I understand what all this is for…. I finally found peace in the now.   I finally understand that, God has me exactly where He wants me and where He wants me, is, my best.  For so long I’ve compared myself to all the mothers who have their children… who are daily living out the role of a mother, and I have found myself utterly lacking in every situation.  But, and this is an imperative BUT!:  That, is just another lie from the enemy, for I am lacking in nothing!  

I now understand that God has called me to a different and completely unique role as a mother, unlike anyone else.  At this point in time, no I can’t pack their lunch, give them a hug, read to them at bedtime or even say I love you, …but I can go before the throne of Grace, every day, every minute if I have to, and plead the case of my children before the Ultimate Judge, who has my BEST, and their BEST in design, creation and purpose.  Although there is nothing that I wouldn’t give to pack their lunch for school, God has called me to a higher purpose and had I not sat down and asked Him to speak… I might’ve missed it!  God has placed me in a position where the only place I can have a connection with my children presently, is at His feet.  What an honor!!!  I ask you, is there a situation in your life, where the only place you can turn, is to Jesus Himself?  If so, He is calling you to a higher purpose, beyond your own reasoning and understanding.  He is calling you to Himself, because He loves you like no other, and He wants you to know it.

How easy it is to look around at everyone else and compare yourself with them; but as Lisa Bevere says in her book Without Rival, “Comparison is cheating us and earth of who we truly are.”

It is a lie from the pit of hell for me to believe that I am not a good mother, or to believe that God made a mistake in my calling.  I was not called to be like other mothers and nor were they called to be like me!  He calls me a good mother, a beautiful mother, lacking nothing – even when on the outside it might look as if I’m lacking everything.

For the first time, I willingly and joyfully embrace, the design, creation and purpose He has for me…. as a mother, today.  When I clearly see and believe that His plan is without mistake, the pain and the questions and the doubt, cease.

I encourage you, stop what you’re doing, grab a pen, find a quiet place, and ask God, “What would You like to say… to me?”

He wants to tell you that you are a good _______.  (Let Him fill in the blank.)

 

Sweaters, S’mores and PSL’s

Fall is here!!!!   Woooohooooooooooo!!!!  If you can picture me dancing around in my living room with sweats, a hoodie and a beanie on… you have just seen what went on earlier this morning.   I make no apologies for that mental image… and yes Momsy, I did run into the coffee table once or twice.

Beanie a little much you say?  Well yes… I do live in Texas.   But, it’s coooooold in my apartment; I’ve got my AC turned all the way down!!! (Don’t worry babes, I’ll turn it back up after I get this blog done…)

I just love fall.  I LOVE fall.  It is my favorite time of year.  I do think that the way I grew up has something to do with it.  My mom loves fall too.  She used to decorate the house (and still does) with all kinds of beautiful fall decor, bring out the all the cinnamon candles, and bake a pumpkin pie just because.  I looked forward to this time of year, every year.

I guess what this season reminds me most of all, is to find joy in the little things.  If you can’t find a bonfire to go to this fall, roast some marshmallows up in your fireplace!  If you don’t have a fireplace…. I will admit, I have attempted to roast a marshmallow over a candle…  I wouldn’t highly recommend it, but it’s good for laughs and long conversations since it takes an eternity to brown one side.

Speaking of candles, go buy a fall smelling candle.  Target has an incredible smelling candle out right now for $17.41

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Bring the Bonfire home ladies!!!

Go for a walk.  Grab your loved one, or go by yourself and spend some time with God.  Go early in the morning or in the evening after work before sunset.  Fall brings an aroma that refreshes the spirit and rejuvenates the soul.  God will use this season and the magnificent way He’s created the changing color of leaves and the crisp air to speak to your heart, if you let him.  Go experience Him in one of His most spectacular seasons.

Pull out your favorite sweater or hoodie and put that baby on!  Ok ok… it may be a little too hot yet for the peeps here in Texas..but give it a couple weeks… er, maybe give it till mid November, then throw that bad boy on!  I love love love, big oversized sweaters.  They are comfy, cozy and just plain wonderful.

Lastly, do I even have to say it?  Go. Grab. A PSL.  Drink one with a friend, on a bench, in your car, or in a bar!  Um Scratch that last one… but for the sake of sounding like Dr. Suess I went there.  If you don’t like the PSL (don’t tell me), get something else you favor, and seriously… enjoy every sip.  I dare you to count your blessings while sipping your blessing!  Grab a friend and ask them questions about them.  Ask them what their favorite fall activity is.

And lastly, whatever your fall pleasure is, make it a tradition.  No matter how silly or small it may seem to you… I guarantee that the next year it comes around, it’s going to be special to you, and bring you joy.  God cares about the hairs on our head… enough to count them!  I believe He gives us these little joys to nurture our spirit and lift us up out of the every day grind.  There are little blessings all around.  You won’t miss them if you just stop, look, and take a minute from all the craziness of life and enjoy the little things.

Happy Fall 2016!!!

Now who wants to go get a PSL with me… like right now.?

Beyond the Shadows

How do we get through the heartache of loss, the pain of death, the disappointments, the betrayals, the broken promises, divorce,….  How do we get beyond the very thing that is hurting our heart?

My dear friend Eimi taught me something earlier this year about finding peace amidst the storm.

Eimi flew from LA to Dallas earlier this year to film her story for us.  I only knew bits and pieces of her story going in, but by the end, Eimi Mitchell forever changed my life with her  words.   I will never forget the night she sat on my couch, and shared her heart, her life, her pain, her loss, but most amazingly… her hope.

Eimi has gone through more sorrow than I could possibly imagine.   She has felt the very root of her existence pulled out from underneath her by those who are supposed to love and protect her.  She has been abused, abandoned, violated, verbally & emotionally torn apart, and she has felt loss on a level that I can’t even fathom.

Eimi was just a little girl,… so young and so innocent… so precious... when her innocence was brutally stolen from her.   At the age of 4, when most little girls are playing dress up and dreaming about being a princess, Eimi was locked away in her bedroom at night, wondering whether or not her perpetrator would break through the lock.

But Eimi was not alone.  Eimi had a best friend, someone who endured all of these horrendous moments with her.  Eimi had a twin sister.  Her sister was her solace, her safe place, the one person that she could tell anything to, the one person that knew her pain, experienced her pain, and could also lift her pain.  All the way up until college, Eimi had her sister for nothing less but to….  just be there.

It was a conversation about dating and life.  A conversation about planning trips and the next adventure.  A conversation about visiting each other soon….  but as Eimi sat in her dorm room that night talking to her sister on the phone, she had no idea, it would be the last time she ever spoke to her.  Her twin sister died in a tragic accident, the very next day.

If I took a random toll of 1000 people on how they would get through a life like this, I’d dare say that more than 90% would say, “I don’t know.”  I believe that is the most honest answer we can give because the reality is, we can’t know.  We are not equipped to handle this much grief, …but Jesus is.

Out of all this darkness, Eimi still had a story, that left me feeling more hope than grief!  This was the most important thing she taught me that day.  As I was listening to her, tears streaming down my face,  I still, felt, hope!  For someone who had so much taken from her, she had triple the amount to give.

How do we get through all the suffering of this life?  We turn to the only One who can give us rest.  The only One, Who can ease the pain of death, never break a promise, Who will never turn us away, and Who repurposes all of our sadness, for joy.  We turn to to the One who said,

Jesus said, “Come to me all you are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

Eimi is a living testimony of how to find Light, beyond the shadows.

I deeply encourage you to watch Eimi’s Story of Hope.  I believe her words will meet you, right where you need them.

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To find out more about Eimi’s ministry, I encourage you to check out http://www.spiritgro.com

Unpack the Box

“Unpack the Box”

We all have packed boxes.  We pack these boxes with things we don’t need every day, but don’t necessarily want to give up either.  We throw all the stuff in that that we don’t want to look at every day, but in the back of our mind, we all seem to have that photographic memory of what’s tucked away inside LOL!

Most of my boxes are packed with memory keep sakes, and from time to time, generally around a move, I’ll pull them out and look through everything I’ve crammed in there.  There is however, one particular box that until recently, I had never unpacked!  For 34 years, I’ve repeatedly thrown all of what I’d consider my ‘most important junk’ in this box.  It’s been a part of every move and until recently, I was fine with just pushing it aside, knowing it’s there but never dealing with it.  Every time I added junk to the box I found myself thinking, “some day I’ll deal with all the crap in there, but not today!”   Problem is, a box will soon overflow, break down, and fall apart.  It can only hold so much till it can’t hold any more.  That was the current condition in which I found this box when I heard God say, “Unpack your box.”

This “box” was actually a place I had created, deep within my heart and stored waaaaaayy back in the corner of my mind.  It was a place I created to store pain.  A place to store unforgiveness. It was a way of avoiding heartache… so I thought.  It was a place where I had neatly organized all of my messy past and painful memories, starting with my parents divorce at the young age of 6.  Somewhere I learned early on that it didn’t hurt as bad, if I pushed the memory and pain as far away from my every day thought process, as possible.  So, from age 6 to 34, I’ve been throwing stuff i.e.: my parents divorce, abuse, broken promises and relationships, harsh words, the pain of losing of my children, and more; all in this box.  It seemed so easy… so natural.  “Just tuck every thing far away”.. so far that in essence, I’d never have to deal with it.  It was a way of tricking myself into believing I was ok and that I wasn’t hurting from all that stuff anymore and it didn’t affect me.   But, go with me here for a second–

Imagine walking around every day with an unbearably heavy, packed to the max, broken down, weak, MASSIVE box, every where you went.  Every day you would be sore, completely and utterly worn out with the problem being, …that box went to bed with you too.  At the end of the day, as you were trying stretch out your back and finally relax and rest your arms from an endlessly exhaustive day, as soon as you got comfortable and right about to fall asleep, WHAM! You roll over face to face with that same heavy BOX!. Day after day, night after night, the same thing.  Eventually one or two things are either going to happen:

 One – the box is going to break, which is going to make your life even more miserable because you can’t just get rid of the stuff!  Now you have try and carry all of it around, dropping it every where which not only affects your life, but it affects the lives of others around you too.

Or,

Two – you break.

This is a picture of what I looked like, carrying around all that pain.  I was exhausted.  It deprived me of sleep and focus.  It robbed me of joy, kept me bound from helping others, blinded me of the future and kept me distracted.  I was functioning at barely 1% of my potential because 99% was taken up by pain.  In reality, the idea of dealing with it later, worked in the exact opposite.  I was dealing with it every day… and so were other people.  People that I loved.  My pain, was affecting my family & my friends.

When God said, “Unpack your box”, He was actually lovingly and so gently saying, “Bring me your pain.”  He knew that I couldn’t keep hiding & stuffing it down.  He knew that I was allowing my pain to cripple me, and I was about to break… but He had better plans for my future.

If you keep pain and hurt hidden away….it can’t be exposed to light.  Jesus is the light of the world, the healer of all pain.  Without being exposed to Jesus, the heartache can take root in your life, swiftly turn into to bitterness, and leave you with no hope of healing.

True healing begins when you recognize, confront and address, past heartache, disappointment, failure, & sin, bring it all under the cross, where it’s completely exposed and lovingly washed by His blood, never to be hidden or picked up again.

So, I started unpacking.  It wasn’t easy and if I’m honest, I’m not sure it’s not completely unpacked yet.  But, as I pull out these memories and as I look face to face with heart ache that I’ve carried around for way too long, the more I pull out, the lighter the box gets and the easier it is to navigate through it.  I am removing the weight and giving it to God, where He stands with open arms, willing, ready and wanting, to lift this burden from me.  Graciously, He first dealt with my doubt.  After doubt and fear were removed, He equipped me with the ability to dig deep, knowing all the while, the He could and would, take away the contents of my box, and fully heal my heart.

And I am certain of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to the completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

-Phil. 1:6

I encourage you to look deep within and see if there is anything that you’ve felt was too deep, too hard, and too much for God.  I’m here to tell you that there is nothing too big for Him!!  He is the Highest, the Greatest, Wisest, the Beginning and the End.  With Him, everything can be made whole…. even your inner most, deepest heartache and disappointment.  It takes a lot of courage to look deep within, but God won’t leave you hanging, left in the middle of a mess.  He will provide a way out, and He will cultivate a heart that leans completely upon Him, in the process.  Going deeper into His presence is about gaining more of Him and less of yourself.  I encourage you, to unpack your box.